Mr. Beast, aka Montario Hardesty, aka Monterrey Jack, aka Eddie George’s lovechild, is well on his way to inserting himself onto the First Team All-SEC list in ‘09. At this point in the season, one could guess that Mark Ingram will take a spot on the 1st team. The second spot is up for grabs, and Hardesty has a seriously legit shot of claiming the distinction.

He currently is 10th in the NCAA in avg. yards per game at 115 (has four less yards total than Ben Tate who currently sits atop the SEC), and the way the Vols offense is operating that doesn’t look to slow down. And frankly, The Vols’ season rests squarely on his broad, well-defined shoulders (strong homo). Now that he’s finally healthy, he’s got scouts around the country getting all hot and bothered. Watching him punish defenders is akin to seeing an M1A1 Abrams tank run roughshod through a hapless cell of Iraqi insurgents. Jusk ask Joe Haden.

Let’s take a look at the remaining games on the schedule and estimate how Hardesty finishes up.

Ohio –Cal Poly ran for almost 240 yards against this porous Ohio front seven. CAL FUCKING POLY. Pending Hardesty’s shoulder health, I see at least 150 yards out of this game…in the first half.

Auburn – This will be another game where Kiff calls a ball control game. Hardesty will get a brusing 24 touches and put up 120 yards. Eddie George masturbates to his awesomeness post-game.

Georgia – Willie Martinez vs. Montario Hardesty. Joe Cox’cox will be smashed in and Hardesty will finally make Mark Richt make a change to his staff. Well, who are we kidding, this is Fulmer2.0 we’re talking about. With all the athletes on Georgia’s defense, you wouldn’t expect Hardesty to have a big game. No chance with Martinez scheming it up. Hardesty goes for 110, Brown goes for 74.

Alabama – The only poor performance in Hardesty’s season. Mount Fat Piece of Shit will clog the middle, and Hardesty goes for 62 yards.

South Carolina – Their defense looks quality. This will be a bruising game for Horse Cock. I suspect a 30 carry 94 yard day for Hardesty.

Mempiss – Hardesty gets back on track with 140 yards.

Ole Miss – Ole Miss is so overrated, and Hardesty gets 13 girls pregnant after a 100 yard day against a quality defensive front (Thanks to Coach O).

Vandy – 117 yards.

Kentucky – The Vols will have to put up a lot of points to continue the streak. Hardesty will catch the ball a lot as well, and have 122 yards rushing.

If he performs as above mentioned he will secure First Team status, and more importantly, a first day draft choice. Its very attainable the way Kiffin will be calling games, because we all know Crompton will not improve. 8 wins? All aboard Mr. Beast.